lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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