the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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