You really coming over, don't trick.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I AM VODKA MAN
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
