omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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