Will you blow on my dice?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
