So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
