I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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