That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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