We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
