yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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