It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
