you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
