I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
