Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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