I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
