What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
