My room smells like vodka and shame
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
