im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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