I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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