You made me cry and you don't even care
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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