You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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