You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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