I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
