I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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