I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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