i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
