is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
