i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
