Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
