well you can't waste a boner
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
tell me about the eggs
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
