Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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