remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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