I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
