Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
