shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
