Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
