apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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