these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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