Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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