She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
