My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
