i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
