she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
