I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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