I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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