I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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