Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
