You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
