i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
