I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
