weddingsv make me drug and hornr
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
