Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
