so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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