Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
